Good things come in small packages.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

here's the skinny

the fact is, I have overextended myself..I just can't handle two blogs..so if you wanna find me, you should go to www.livejournal.com I am fanackapan there too. many more entries..sorry blogger.com :(

Friday, May 27, 2005

done diddly un done done

I finished all my college work and it is in. I got an A on my last paper, I need a job. badly. I am bored and don't know what to do right now. I would be super if I was rich. Then I could travel and shop, and have massage/manicure pedicure days every other day. Time to contact temp agencies. hope they don't want references. i haven't got any worth talking to. boo hoo.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I am blogging about my pussy

cat.

let's see if i get porn enthused google-ers like silver. I enjoyed talking to silver last night..it is nice to talk to friends. I am glad we are friends :) I have been talking to my cat too much, b/c I have holed myself up trying to figure out this incomplete project for my degree. I had to have a phone around last night, b/c I was starting to lose my human words. I am becoming a rather frighteningly good cat-communicator though. My cat comes running when i say "mmmm, time to bite mouse" in feline, but she is starting to get wise, cuz I never really AM chewing mouse when she gets there. You would not believe just how viscious that phrase actually sounds in feline. If more people spoke feline, the world would not think cats were all cute and cuddly, they would realize they are viscious freeloaders, but that is ok, even viscious freeloaders are cute if they are fluffy and you outweigh them by a factor of 20. Just think about that in global terms my friends.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

new horizons

It looks very likely that my father and I have had our last "words". Unless he just waits a few months and then contacts me and pretends nothing has happened (totally possible), but I am pretty much done I think. he gives me heartburn and I start shaking and my voice goes all funny (like the first time you give a speech) whenever I have to see him for any amount of time. It feels sad, b/c I feel guilty that he is going to be all alone with his hate b/c he has no friends and hates everybody, but I can't deal with a father that thinks I am worth less respect than half the population simply b/c I am female. Also, he lies.
Anyway, i told him if he would not even try work things out with me I didn't see any future for our relationship. He agreed, b/c I wouldn't see HIS point of view.
The prospect of future Christmas and birthdays and Thanksgiving when I don't have to spend it with him is like some soothing balm running all over me.
We have absolutely nothing to talk about that doesn't turn into a fight. I told him I was in counselling the last time I had a phone conversation with him. I told him I was working on believing that I deserve respect and a good life and not taking other people's bullshit that wasn't my problem. He told me not to "overdo it".
Apart from that he only has the divorce to talk about besides the diatribes he repeats verbatim to you to every time he sees you. I can almost recite them.
He is so full of hate for everything that I get physically sick around him. One of the last times I was out to lunch with him, he turned to me (out of the blue to me, but i don't know what was going on in his head) and told me I was "a horrible person" and then smiled and pretended he didn't say anything. I yelled at him and told him I WAS NOT a horrible person and to stop telling me I was...He just pretended I hadn't said anything. I felt like I was going to puke all the way home.
I hope he writes me out of the will.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

somthing more important might come up

not a big deal
So my dad just emailed me back about my graduation ceremony. He said "I will do my best to be there" hmm, a month's notice and you are retired, and it is on a Sunday..well I can see how it would be hard to COMMIT to coming, it isn't like it is a big deal or anything.
He replied again to the email telling me what time his birthday lunch is..I almost told him I would "do my best to be there..if nothing else came up", but I didn't..
I said, "I will be there"..it wasn't that hard.

I have not seen my dad in I think about six months..since arund thanksgiving I think..or beginning of december??..no maybe I saw him for a few minutes a couple months ago, not for a while anyway, I'm sure he doesn't miss me, b/c i don't talk about what HE wants to talk about when HE wants to talk about it. Can you tell I'm annoyed? good.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

could it be true???..really??..still don't know.

ok, I have been looking over my options here..I think it is unlikely that I am going to get stellar grades this semester..I'm thinkin at least one B but well let's face it, that isn't stellar. So I have to finish my Incomplete 20 page paper..(major work being done on that this weekend..thanks y'all for going to Vegas and not distracting me..still a couple parties, but no sleepovers this weekend)ok, anyway, I think there may be another plan to make sure I don't have to come back here this summer. I won't tell you what it is in case I can't do it and then I will be sad when I read this later. Anyway, I sent in my commencement RSVP yesterday..yeeeowza!..I have NEVER taken part in a commencement..I was so depressed on the day I was supposed to graduate from highschool..I refused to go to any graduation parties and felt all sad. I still got my diploma at the end of the summer, but still, not the same. On the day I should have proudly marched up to the podium and collected my HS Diploma, I was actually receiving a miniscule certificate that would inform the DMV that I had, in fact, successfully completed my Motorcycle Safety Course. So..at least that was somethin. Anyhow, my commencement ceremony is 9am, May 8th at UIC pavilion, you are all invited. You won't come though, b/c that is Mother's day and a Sunday and fucking early. I have to go buy my cap and gown soon. I don't know what color I am..I think my tassle is white though. I really need to get cracking on that paper..um, and the other three I have to write for my "current" classes..but ya know, to keep me going I must just think..after this..I NEVER HAVE TO WRITE ANOTHER PAPER AGAIN!..until grad school, but who knows when I'll do that.

I just emailed my father and brother about the commencement ceremony..my mother and sister re planning on coming as well..good thing UIC pavillion is big and noone has to sit together...also, that they will search people on the way in to make sure they are not terrorists..so no sniping on either side! jeez.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

ok I am getting better now

Alright, i am erasing all my bitchy posts..infact probably ALL the posts about the mp.git. I am done bitching and moaning on the internet about my bruised ego and dashed hopes.. Time to be all magnanimous again.

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